5 Signs You Have An Unsupportive Partner
A relationship is any kind of bond or connection between people, whether intimate, friendship, positive, or negative. There are four basic types of relationships: family relationships, friendships, acquaintanceships, and romantic relationships. Other types of relationships might include work relationships, teacher/student relationships, and community or group relationships. Essentially there are many types of relationships.
We as humans need the connection that these bonds provide for us. Our first connections become forged as early as the time we are in the wombs.
As we get older, our relationships change. Life becomes complicated, and feelings become more complex.
From all the different kinds of relationships, the most detrimental kind is when you have an unsupportive partner. For most of us, falling in love, getting married, and having a family is a natural progression. But what happens when that relationship goes South?
Only the lucky ones find the forever type of blissful happiness and love. In reality, many live miserable lives because of their relationships.
Having an unsupportive partner is the worst thing that can happen in a relationship.
Your partner is no good to you if they cannot support your dreams and aspirations. It does not matter what you choose to do. Even if you try something and fail, It should not matter. Sometimes their support can be the difference between success and failure.
It begs the question, Do people understand what it takes to maintain a healthy and happy relationship?
In some instances, I think not.
When your partner puts you down, disrespects you, and cannot support you, you need to re-evaluate your situation. If your partner is unsupportive, it can feel like a piece of the puzzle is missing. Having mental, emotional, and physical support in a relationship builds adherence between two people. When there is a lack of support from your partner, the relationship becomes exposed to being destroyed.
Unsupportive Partners And Depression
People with unsupportive, judgmental spouses/partners are more likely to suffer major depression. Some evidence suggests that people in troubled relationships are three times more likely to experience depression in retrospect than those who are not. This kind of depression leads to mental and physical symptoms such as:
- feeling sad, worthless, empty, or guilty
- appearing irritable or angry
- low self-esteem, low self-confidence, and low self-respect
- tiredness and fatigue
- difficulty concentrating or making decisions
- eating more or less than usual
- sleeping more or less than usual
- loss of interest in enjoyable activities, such as socializing and hobbies
- loss of libido, or sex drive
- suicidal contemplations
If you feel that your spouse/partner is being unsupportive and is causing your depression, talk about it. Most often, they are not aware that they are the cause. It is the point where communication and trust come in. Also, it is a chance to see if your spouse/partner is the cause of your depression; or whether they are ignorant of their actions.
There is no shame in getting help. Therapy and counseling can help you save your relationship.
Signs Of An Unsupportive Partner
Emotional Invalidation:
It is the action of dismissing or repudiating thoughts, feelings, or behaviors. It is as good as saying your feelings do not matter or that your feelings are wrong. As a result, it can make you feel unimportant, and you question your feelings. Emotional invalidation does not have to be only verbal, such as saying:
- It was not that bad; you are overreacting
- You are too sensitive
- I know exactly how you feel
- Just let it go
- You take everything so personally
- You make a big deal out of nothing, etc.
It can also be nonverbal actions such as:
- rolling of the eyes
- Ignoring the person
- playing on the phone when having a conversation
- The silent treatment, etc.
Stonewalling
Stonewalling involves failing to interact with another person and intentionally shutting down during a quarrel. It can be hurtful, frustrating, and damaging to the relationship.
While stonewalling can be hurtful, you shouldn’t necessarily think that it is intrinsically ill-intended. Stonewalling is frequently a response exhibited out of fear, anxiety, and frustration.
Signs of Stonewalling
- Changing the subject to avoid an uncomfortable topic
- Ignoring what the other person is saying
- Storming off without a word
- Coming up with reasons not to talk
- Refusing to answer questions
- Making accusations rather than talking about the current problem
- Using dismissive body language such as rolling or closing their eyes
- Engaging in passive-aggressive behaviors such as stalling or procrastinating to avoid talking about a problem
- Refusing to acknowledge their stonewalling behavior
Stonewalling can potentially ruin a relationship.
Partners often feel demeaned or abused. They may even begin to question their self-worth.
Constantly Letting You Down
No relationship is perfect. If someone tells me it is, I’d most likely assume that someone is either lying, delusional, or living in an alternate universe. No matter how strong a relationship might be, no relationship is ever “perfect.” We are all guilty of letting our partners down one time or the other. After all, we’re only human. It becomes a problem when your partner keeps letting you down over and over again. The frustration and hurt might turn into resentment.
They Do not Show Interest In Your Goals.
Your partner/spouse is supposed to be your greatest cheerleader. It does not matter how big or small your dreams and aspirations are; they should never be mocked or downplayed by the one person you rely on the most. It is their lack of support that stunts your ability to persevere.
As a result, it evokes feelings of bitterness, anger, frustration, and hurt.
Manipulation is a tactic often used to make you feel like your goals are silly. If they are trying to convince you that your goals are not worth pursuing, then that is the cruelest thing your partner can do to you. It is how dreams die and how you become broken inside.
Never let anyone deter you from your dreams and goals. Believe enough in yourself to never let anyone stand in your way. Talk to your partner/spouse. Communicate your feelings and thoughts. Maybe they need to understand how important achieving your goals is to you.
Making Everything About Them
If your partner/spouse makes everything about themselves, then they may be exhibiting narcissist behavior.
They lack empathy for others, namely you.
- The number one sign is that they feel that they are superior to you.
- They constantly need attention and validation and require control.
- They lack the need to take responsibility and often pass on the blame to you.
- It is always your fault.
- It is always about them.
- If you say that you are in pain because you spent the day on your feet, they will tell you that they are also in pain instead of sympathizing with you.
- They try to dominate you and make you feel inadequate.
How Does Having An Unsupportive Partner Effect The Kids
Having an unsupportive partner/spouse is one thing, but having them if you have kids involved is on a whole new level. Often you will find that people choose to stay in these toxic relationships because of the kids.
- They don’t like to separate them from the other parent.
- They don’t like to think of their children growing up in a broken home.
- They come from a single-income home and have no other means to support their kids.
Whatever the reason may be, the results are the same. Children become collateral damage. Children are very perceptive and sensitive. Even if you can suffer in silence, your kids will pick up the vibes and most often react to them. The saddest part of the whole thing is that children mimic their parents. By not addressing your problems in your relationship, you are unknowingly creating a vicious cycle. Your children will grow up believing it is ok to behave in this manner.
My Final Thoughts
I have been married for a very long time, and I have to admit that support goes both ways. Many times I have been guilty of maybe minimizing my partner’s feelings or stonewalling. I have been on the receiving end more times than I can count. It hurts. There is no other way to say it. It crushes your spirit and makes you into a melancholy and depressed person. NOBODY deserves that.
It may help to let an unsupportive partner know when they are letting you down to see if they can turn things around? I have a personal opinion, especially for people in marriages. When you get married and make that commitment, I think individuals do not understand what that entails. Love matters in a marriage, but a marriage cannot survive on love alone. Without understanding, compromise, respect, support, communication, and faithfulness, you don’t have a solid foundation to build a happy and healthy marriage.
Communicate your feelings and concerns. Sometimes a civil conversation can gain you positive results. Listen and ask to be heard in a non-confrontational way. Admit to your reservations. Seek the aid of a counselor. Think about how your actions are affecting the children.
If you have tried all avenues and are still fighting a losing battle, then maybe it is time you need to re-evaluate your situation.
Whatever you do, never lose hope and stop believing in yourself.