My Journey Of Self-Discovery
`Self-discovery is the most empowering time of your life,
you remember who you are, and you become the best version of yourself, but what they forget to tell you is, to get to the point of pleasure- you must face the pain.`
~ Nikki Rowe
Have you ever stopped to contemplate what you wish to attain from life?
Perhaps you theorized and pondered over that question?
But have not as yet uncovered a path toward achieving your goals.
Dreams, personal values, talents, abilities, passions, capabilities, even temperament traits are things that inspire us. With self-discovery, we come to accept ourselves more, and as a result, we care less about the approval of others. Awareness of those characteristics will offer you much insight into your inner self.
Self-discovery might sound like a big, intimidating concept, but it is just a process of:
- examining your life
- figuring out what is missing
- taking steps toward fulfillment
I know only too well that some of us, including myself, live/have lived a facade of life. We walk around wearing our masks and masquerading as happy and content people. We hide behind our smiles, giving everyone around us the impression that all is well. Behind closed doors is where our true selves come out. We give rise to our demons and let them grow into monsters that take over. Only we have the power to destroy these monsters.
The most important person in this world to love is YOURSELF. Love yourself enough to conquer your fears, self-doubt, low self-esteem, low self-confidence, and feelings of unworthiness. When you release yourself of all these demons, you attain your peace and happiness and find your purpose in life.
Today I write and dedicate my post to someone very near and dear to me. My ‘soul sister.’
Over the many years; that she has been a part of my life, I have watched her struggle to find the peace and fulfillment I know she so desperately seeks. Lately, this need has caused her to spiral into an abyss of pain and depression. My personal opinion is that she has lost herself and now questions her self-worth.
Now her story is not mine to tell, and although I went through my trials and tribulations, I can not compare my situation to hers.
I decided to share my story and hope that it helps her find her path in discovering her journey to self-discovery.
No matter the circumstances we go through that bring us to the point of low self-worth, we all need to follow the same steps to achieve self-discovery.
When a person contemplates their self worth they tend to feel unhappy and unsatisfied with themselves.
- Negative feelings
- Relationship problems
- Fear of trying
- Perfectionism
- Fear of judgment
- Low resilience
- Lack of self-care
- Self-harming behaviors
The above are some of the things that contribute to the lack of self-esteem and low self-worth.
My Journey
For most of my life, I lived in the shadows of other people’s opinions. Even when it came to decisions about my life, I let others dictate it. I never felt like I was good enough or worthy to have more.
When you do not stand up for yourself and believe in what you do, feel and think, you become a flame to a moth. You get all kinds of people, and I had some pretty nasty ones in my corner disguised as friends.
Everything Has To Start Somewhere
We were a small group of childhood friends. Growing up, we made plans to pursue our different career paths. Most of them continued along this path while some of us, including myself, fell victim to unforeseen circumstances and deviated from this path. Two of them, in particular, did very well and became successful. However, it was my best friend that changed the most. Success and wealth changed her. She was very opinionated and dominant in her ways. Truth be told I, felt very intimidated by her.
Later on, I would come to realize that some people with academic intelligence in a particular field may know everything relating to that specific field but are likely to know little or nothing about being empathetic and understanding when it comes to your problems.
They feel that they are well versed in all of life’s lessons. For a long time, I believed my friend because I thought she knew better. Every time I was belittled and told I should not complain because I chose this life, I questioned my decisions. She became that little voice in my head telling me to do things I did not feel comfortable doing. Yet, I still did it.
It became the beginning of my self-doubt. Over the years, a chain of events occurred that fueled this self-doubt. When I lost my first child, I was devastated, but by the time I lost my third child, I was in a deep depression.
I did not care much for living and walked around as a shell of a person. I was angry and bitter and alienated everyone around me. I felt as though God had alienated me. I found myself surrounded by family and friends, yet I could not help feel like the loneliest person on earth.
When I did have my sons, I fought for them but never for myself. Socializing was out of the question because I never felt like I belonged. Even when people accused me of things that I did not do, I refrained from defending myself. That is what self-doubt, low self-esteem, and lack of self-confidence can do to you.
When the loneliness became overwhelming, I adopted unhealthy eating habits, finding comfort in food, which resulted in weight gain and terrible skin. I no more liked the reflection staring back at me from my bathroom mirror. I now felt like an ugly person both inside and outside. I felt like nothing in the world would make me feel better. It was like having a parasite living inside of me taking over my mind and body.
My marriage was falling apart from the seams. Our home became a battlefield filled with arguments and fights. I found out that my husband had a secret gambling addiction that was ruining us financially. His compulsion for gambling was born from when medical insurance did not cover our very extensive medical bills.
At this point, I was a very sad, angry, and miserable person.
So you can imagine my life. I became the person where others felt better about themselves. They were always more confident, more pretty, thinner, happier, and more content in their marriages and had better financial security than me. I allowed myself to be this person, no one else.
My pilgrimage to my self-discovery
It was when I was diagnosed with Lupus that I reached the bottom of my so-called downward spiral. I did not know much about the disease, and I believed that I could die from it. You know, the saying when you face death, your life flashes before your eyes. I realized that I lived a life truly not lived.
I started to reflect on my life. I did not want my children to grow up with the only memories of their mum being this terrible version of herself; because that was what I had become, a version of myself.
Changes needed to happen in my life, and it had to start with me. I realized that nobody has the right to tell me what to do or how to act or even speak to me the way they do. I gave them the power to do that by being submissive and easy to control. I needed to take that power back.
I was not cruel enough to tell my friend to get out of my life. I just stopped listening to her, and when she realized that she could not control me anymore, she left my life on her own. That proved she was everything a friend should not be.
- Taking walks with my children or playing with them brought smiles to their faces. I realized that I had the power to change my life.
- Believing in the universe and trusting that what you put out to it, you get back has helped me shape this new life that I am building. I applied it to everything, and soon I started to see the changes.
- My illness was something that I chose to live positively through. No matter the outcome, I found a way to make peace with it.
- I surrounded myself with like-minded people and ended up with a support system that helps me till today.
- Life throws challenges at me all the time. Sometimes I feel the pull to go to my dark side. It was the easiest way for me to cope before. Now I have people I can talk to, and I believe in the power of the universe.
- Journaling has helped put things into perspective for me. When I feel angry or disappointed, or sad, I take out my diary and purge myself into it. I rant, and I rave and get my feeling out there. I deal with it instead of letting it control me
- I find ways to eat healthier and partake in activities with my children that help me feel alive.
- I accept that my body. I may not fit into my favorite pair of jeans anymore, but now I wear clothes that flatter my new size, and I love the confidence it gives me.
- Nobody can change my life but ME, MYSELF, AND I
- You are never too old to learn and pursue a dream long forgotten. I had many regrets when It came to me giving up my studies and pursuing a career. So I took courses in graphic designing and marketing and launched my blog. I incorporated all the things I loved doing and am using it to build a career that provides me with immense happiness and fulfillment.
- I learned that while I value people’s opinions, I don’t let them influence any decisions I need to make.
- When someone puts me down or tells me something negative about myself or what I am doing, I take it with a grain of salt. Because now I believe in myself, and I have the self-confidence to go out there and make things happen for myself. I no longer need validation and approval from others.
- The one thing that motivates me every day is my children. They give me a purpose. My purpose is to guide and protect them. To teach them the values of having respect and empathy for others. To teach them how to build self-confidence, but most importantly, my purpose is to teach them how to self-love.
- Self-love, self-confidence, self-respect are all things that can change the way you live your life. The quest of your inner journey is to find your true self and be happy with the person you discover at the end of your soul-searching.
I have included printables that you can download for free. If you are contemplating taking your journey of self-discovery, this might help you start.
STRENGTH USE PLAN
People who know their strengths and use them frequently tend to have higher self-esteem, better moods, and less stress. Learning to use one’s strengths is something anyone can achieve.
GRATITUDE JOURNAL
Receiving and giving gratitude can change the way you feel and think.
BEST POSSIBLE SELF
Imagine your best possible self in the social domain: a romantic relationship, friends, family, social activities, etc.
LIFE STORY
THE PAST, THE PRESENT, THE FUTURE
Writing a story about your life can help you find meaning and value in your experiences.
SELF ESTEEM COMPLETION
About Me Sentence completion
My Final Thoughts
To this day, my journey continues. Every day is a learning experience for me and what I found along this path of self-enlightenment astounds me. I love what I am discovering about myself and, more importantly, what I am capable of accomplishing. Although the journey of self-discovery is scary and formidable, it is the most important journey you will ever take. Love yourself enough to find yourself.
Be Brave, Be Beautiful, Be YOU