To all you beautiful people out there, I want to give a big shout-out and thanks for reading my blog.

An enormous thank you for all the positive feedback that I have been receiving. It means the world to me. Thank you once again for the support!!

Death is not an easy thing to deal with, yet it is inevitable to us all. Every living organism has its expiration date, and we mere mortals are not immune to that finality.

It is a topic that we all like to avoid. Your death is a certainty; that’s a given. It is the law of nature. Although we acknowledge this fact, nobody likes to think about themselves dying. We all want to live, and although we know that it is coming one day, we like to not think about it. That is okay; we all want to be alive rather than dead.

We also find ourselves afraid of losing those that are close to us. Just the thought of losing someone we love is enough to put the ever-loving fear in us. Nobody wants to go through that soul-deep pain of saying goodbye to a loved one. Yet, that is also something that is not in our control.

Losing someone unexpectedly, not having a chance to say goodbye leaves you in limbo, not having full closure.

I recently lost my brother, who was here one day and gone the next. He was the eldest of five siblings and the patriarch of the family. He was my only brother.

I read once somewhere that siblings are sometimes called the ”Forgotten Mourners.” The grief of the parent, spouse, and children eclipses that of a sibling, and rightly so to some extent. Since I am a parent, spouse, and someone’s child, I can relate on all levels. Bonds and relationships are not the same. Although we all grieve, we grieve differently. Our levels of grieve are different.

I know the pain of losing a parent, and I also know the pain of losing a child, and I pray to God that I don’t get to feel the pain of losing a spouse. Losing a sibling is a first for me. It is a bond of a link broken.

The relationship between siblings is different. In most circumstances, we separate. Going on to create new families of our own and sometimes living cities apart. That does not take away how deeply connected we are.

Our relationships can be very complicated. Sometimes we grow apart. So when their death comes unexpectedly, you are left with ”what if’s” and ”if only” trains of thought. We may not have a close enough relationship, but that does not in any way mean we did not love them.

It is easier to forgive others than to forgive ourselves. At times we take life for granted. We procrastinate, putting things off for another day. It is when things such as losing your sibling happen that you put things into perspective. You realize that tomorrow may never come. My greatest regret with regards to my brother is that I never told him that I loved him.

A few days before his passing, I spoke to him over the phone. I said something to him, and he laughed. I thank him for leaving me that memory, because now when I think of him, his beautiful laughter echos in the recesses of my mind. Unfortunately for myself, when we were about to end the call, it was on the tip of my tongue to tell him that I loved him, and for some reason, I held back. That is something that will haunt me for the rest of my life.

No family gathering will ever be the same again. I use to look forward to these events. It was the only time when we were all together. Now it will be a cold reminder that a large part of us is missing.

I ask myself the question ”Why him?”

He is the most gentle soul that I’ve known. He could not hurt a fly. He never drank a drop of alcohol or smoked a cigarette a day in his life. He was the quiet God loving/fearing one of us all. So why did God have to take him so suddenly and in that way?

The only plausible explanation is that God had his reasons, and it was his time to go.

When a person passes on, that is the end of their physical journey. We are the ones left behind, the family that has to go through the pain and suffering of losing their loved ones. Grief is difficult to bear, especially when you cannot accept how they died and under what circumstance they came to their end. We often question ourselves.

Could more have been done for them?

We endure a bottomless pit of despair that can last from weeks, months, and even years. We have an emptiness inside of us that doesn’t seem to go away. We go through all the stages of grief, and for some of us, the last part of acceptance takes a long time to come. We look at our mortality and question when it would end.

What are we leaving behind?

How do we go on without our loved ones?

Although we have all these unanswered questions, we have to realize that we have no control over a loved one’s passing, but we do have control of how we can move forward without them.

I am a firm believer in a positive way of thinking, and I trust in the universe. I believe that God has a reason for everything. We sometimes don’t see the bigger picture. Maybe there were things at work that made us ignorant. Whatever the reason is, I believe that it was their time to go. I have witnessed many miracles in my life. I have watched people come back from the brink of death. It only proves that when death comes calling, it is just fate that’s playing its part.

I dedicate this post to my wonderful brother, who I will miss & love till my dying breath,

You were one of the purest souls that I had the privilege of knowing,

You left us with a treasure trove of beautiful memories,

And a smile that will be etched in our hearts forever.

Your quiet demeanor and gentle ways made you like no other,

You were one in a million.

You never had a hurtful word to say.

You were a man of very few words, yet the little you did have to say spoke volumes.

I take comfort in knowing that you are in God’s hands and amongst the angels where you belong.

I am glad that God had blessed me with a brother like you.

Knowing you was a privilege,

Loving you was my honor.

I know that one day we will meet again,

You will be waiting with your beautiful smile to welcome me home